Each day from tomorrow I shall share with you the seven phases.
I have often asked myself this on many occasions but more so over the last year or so… Have you ever questioned what happiness is? Finally realising that when I dug deep enough it was then that I realised that the core of my health was happiness within. This is when I decided to take the leap into the unknown, resigning from a full-time job to pursue my career as a Performance Life Coach and NLP Practitioner.
What is happiness exactly?
Happiness has lots of definitions… I’d like to invite you to take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. One side write what is happiness and on the other what happiness isn’t. Take some time to dig deep into your heart and mind. I would really love it if you would share this- posting a photo of your list or writing it in the comments.
In the dictionary the definition is around the “the state of being happy”, with being happy: “feeling or showing pleasure or contentment”, but obviously each of us has a different way to get pleasure. For me, I think this quote by Charles Sprugeon gives a good definition
“It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy and feel that happiness within.”
Happiness is a journey not a destination. In fact, the happiest people don’t have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything. I then ask: Why some people are happy all the time? My answer to this is that happy people focus on what they have when unhappy people focus on what is missing- what they don’t have. The more we focus on the positives the happier one will be. I have made a huge shift (and continue to do so) in focusing on what I have and how much happiness it has given me.
Another thought!!! Ever met happy people who are constantly happy? I know that I have, and it has made me wonder even more why? I clearly remember, when I was still struggling to be and feel happier, and I was meeting happy people you could tell from miles off that they were really happy. They would have this positive presence, energy glowing out of them that would light up the room, a really huge smile on their face, always in a good mood and ready to laugh at anything- not taking anything personally. These are the types of people I love to surround myself with and even more so now I realise that I am attracted to these types of people. Happiness is contagious.
Are we born as happy people?
I used to ask myself this question often, if people were born happy; soon I realized that this can be true that some people might be “born” happy. It’s very important the environment we live in during the first years of our life. Our family, our teachers, our first friends play an important part in our growth. As you know, when we are children we are sponges that can absorb. We start understanding what is right and wrong, we start creating our values and beliefs and even unfortunately limiting beliefs. Beliefs can be altered just like happiness. Beliefs are not always really true however, we don’t know that because they are just presented to us as true unless we begin to question these beliefs. In essence if we were lucky to be born in a nurturing and safe environment, with happy people around who supported us, stimulated us and taught us the importance of some good values, we are more likely to have a positive life and be much happier. However, if were born into a distressed environment, it’s more likely our life is not going to be an easy one unless we do something about it. We can’t choose where to be born but we can sure change the way we think, feel and plan out the journey of happiness we want. We all have the opportunities in some form or another to take charge of our life and to follow the path of happiness. There is always a lesson to be learnt. Isn’t it true that we have learnt a lot of things, walking, talking, writing, etc, so if we are not happy why not learn how to be Happy? I did, and I can’t see any reasons why you can’t do it!
If you are not happy with your life, you need to make some changes, you can’t keep doing the same thing and expect different results. The most important thing is to learn not to dwell on problems, so we can spend most of the time with a happy state of mind. Yes, we are going to confronted with problems in our lives. On the other hand, you can fight the unhappiness. If life is full of habits, then why can’t you make Happiness one of those habits?
As promised, over the next 7 days, each day I shall share with you my seven phases to happiness my personal experiences that I took to feel ad be happy. Like with anything you must be prepared to take action, take charge of your own life, and stop blaming others for your unhappiness, as you are the only one in control and responsible of your life’s path of happiness.
Join me tomorrow for Phase one- Happiness is a choice.
What is Happiness? ‘Phase 1- Happiness is a Choice
Tomorrow I shall share with you the phase 2
How did you get on with what happiness is and isn’t for you?
Happiness is a choice, we have a choice as how we want to live our life. No matter the circumstances, we have still the choice to live an unhappy life, at the mercy of our emotions, events… which could be quite miserable sometimes. Or you can choose to live a happy content life, the choice is yours. Happiness does not depend on others or gaining their approval, it is a kind of choice that we make for ourselves. In reality, I believe that the level of our life’s happiness has nothing to do with the things that other people say or do, even if we feel like it. Happiness is not something that we capture through the affirmation or actions of others. We certainly can be inspired by others which can give us a sense of happiness but true happiness comes from within you.
Can we really make up our mind to be happy? I say yes you can.
The empowered happiness mindset is set on the principle that despite the things that happen to us we might be in today, we can still choose to be happy. It’s all about making a decision, the right one, if we don’t choose to be a happy person, it’s like indirectly we have made a decision to be a person that doesn’t give importance to happiness, therefore, the moments of happiness might not be many…
Start to be happy any moment you want, all you need to do is make a decision, choose to be happy, write it down on paper in capitals: “I decide I want to be happy”, “from now on I am going to be happy person, no matter what”. You can make it more specific by adding what it is that you want to be happy about.
Remember this needs to be a clear and conscious decision and nothing like “I would like to be happy or I wish to be happy” These are simply just wishes- they are not taking you anywhere.
Once your decision to be a happy person is made, you then need to do whatever it takes to be happy. Remember that Happiness is a Journey not a Destination. It’s a bit like when you start a fire, if you don’t fan the fire, the fire at one point will die. Therefore, you have turned our happiness on, which I like to think of as a candle, you need to keep it on, otherwise, it will die, this is something you will see in the next few steps.
“Thousands of candles can be lighted from one single candle and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”
If you make a decision to live a happy life, no matter what life can present to you. It is our choice, you have made a decision and you need to stick to it. Once you have understood and accepted that happiness comes from within, it is not impossible to be happy even during the toughest of times because you already know how you should hold on to those good times and chase all the bad away. With an empowered happiness mindset, you will know how you should let life to happen and stay open to wallowing in the bliss of happiness whatever your circumstances might be.
Many people find the notion hard to believe simply because they have gone through so many challenges in their lives. Whatever you have been through in your life, you need to remember, that it is never too late to make happiness your choice.
The choice of Happiness begins by:
- simply telling yourself that happiness is a choice.
- Tell yourself that you are willing to make it happen and commit to. Remember, making choice is the biggest and most important step that you can take to being happy.
- Make a list of 3 or 4 things that will make you happy each day and stick to it.
- Acknowledge the goal you set yourself, and even if your goal is not achieved still praise, value yourself and celebrate for giving it a go.
- What are the things that make me smilethese days?
- Take time to stop, reflect and breathe- this will give you a great sense of happiness.
- Take an opportunity to express gratitude to someone.
- The next time you are feeling anxious about something; ask yourself: Is this something I can control? If your answer is no, respect the outcome as it is. If it is yes, commit to figuring out a way to control it. Remember not to set yourself up for failure by always looking to take control but instead, what happiness will be achieved from taking control of only what you can control.
- Wake up with a positive attitude and listen to a piece of music that cheers you up and sends great vibrations through your body.
- Find a quote about happiness that really resonates with you or write your own and look at it daily as an affirmation.
The act of making the choice is done by looking deep into yourself: realize and appreciate the little tiny things that fulfil you, make you feel at peace and acknowledge the things you need to let go of to be happy.
Happiness is a state of being: No matter how small they may be, give yourself a little time each morning and appreciate these things.
Happiness is a choice – so is sadness: You may lose sight of your happiness because of the daily tension it brings: financial situations, work, relationships, family pressures, outside environment such as traffic, delays that can get you feel down in the dumps.
Keep your friends and family close– Attaining and maintaining happiness is by expressing your gratitude, but if you give gratitude do not expect it in return. Give it because you feel happy and want to reflect that happiness on others. Happiness is near impossible if you are selfish about it. You are surrounded by people with riches and fame but not necessarily have happiness to accompany this feeling of happiness.
Hard work pays off– Nothing good in life comes easy — happiness is no exception. Difficult choices must be made at certain points in your life if you wish to maintain it. It is always best for you to move on and take on challenges than to let fear grip your heart than sit and wallow in complacency.
Take it slow– Happiness takes an entire lifetime. Take it slow; stop and smell the roses along the way and try not to rush yourself into getting to your definition of happiness. Mistakes happen along the way and that is perfectly fine! It is life’s way of teaching you a lesson about your choice. Slow down and spend time thinking and understanding why life treated you in that way.
Stay in control- a choice – You may fall into a state of anxiousness because of your constant need to stay in control. Acknowledge this when it happens. Now, a lot of people are not aware of this. The next time you are feeling anxious about something, why don’t you ask yourself this question: is this something I can control?
Remember Happiness is a choice that revolves around how you manage yourself around the environment you are currently in. Always be grateful and generous to the people who make you smile. Never try to take control of things beyond your understanding and always take the time to savor and appreciate the little things that brightens up your day.
“Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy. There’s going to be stress in life, but it’s your choice whether you let it affect you or not.” Valerie Bertinelli
“My message is that happiness is the first principle of life. But you must choose it. We all have pain, but suffering is a choice. You can be happier if you make some changes in your life.” Alexandra Stoddard
Join me tomorrow for Phase two- Happiness an attitude of the mind.
- Are you prepared to do something about Changing your Attitude to be full of Happiness?
- How prepared and committed are you?
- What will it take for you to change your attitude?
- If something happens that you don’t like, if you can do something about it, do it, if you can’t do anything about it, then tend not to worry or get angry, (it’s pointless, it would only destroy your inner peace) so just accept it and move on, because I firmly believe that there is a reason for everything.
- Remind yourself that you are not a robot and don’t dwell on bad things and remind yourself that ‘I have a choice to be happy’.
- In that instant moment of thinking or feeling unhappy a, stop yourself immediately and write that feeling and thoughts down and then write the thought, feeling and attitude that you want instead.
- Don’t neglect the problem, acknowledge it and then consciously change your state of mind and attitude towards it. Take deep breath and visualise as you go through the process.
Remember things will not change unless you take action!
Please do let me know and share with us your experiences of how life begins to change for you! And share other ways that has worked for you to change your attitude towards a happier life!
I leave you with some powerful quotes as I believe that quotes create an impact on our attitude and state of mind:
“It is very important to generate a good attitude, a good heart, as much as possible. From this, happiness in both the short term and the long term for both yourself and others will come.” Dalai Lama
“Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.” Dale Carnegie
“Happiness is in our own hearts. I have no regrets of anything in the past. I’m totally cheerful and happy, and I think that a lot of your attitude is not in the circumstances you find yourself in, but in the circumstances’, you make for yourself.” Maeve Binchy
Yesterday, in Phase 2 – I spoke about Happiness is a Choice, your choice, you can decide the way you want to live your life, making a decision, making a choice, the right choice to be happy.
Now, I probably know what you are thinking right now, even if I decided to be happy, how can I be happy all the time if …. (whatever reason you might have) and I understand that, because I was thinking the same a while ago before I realized that I had to Change my Attitude.
Once you have made that conscious choice (and I emphasise the words again ‘Conscious Choice’) that we want to live a truly happy life; it doesn’t mean it will be a “problems free life.” Now wouldn’t that be awesome? I honestly can’t see this happening so what can we do to keep ourselves happy? and to stick to the choice that you have made?
It’s really simple- all you do is Change your attitude Through Your Life, and by doing so it is simply changing the way you are looking at the problems and situations. I’d like to share another one of my favourite quotes by Wayne Dyer:
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
This is so true for me and for many people I have coached along the way. Another way to think about it as Johnny Depp quotes:
“the problem is not the problem- the problem is your attitude about the problem.”
What is your thought on these two quotes? Share your thinking via the comments box or even share your own inspirational quotes about “Changing your Attitude”.
Do you agree that how you react to the problems, that create our state of mind, once again you are in charge to make a decision?
The way we react to the problem makes a big change in our life because the problem remains the same, it doesn’t matter how we feel about it, the problem doesn’t change; not thinking all the time about the problem, doesn’t mean we are neglecting it. All we need to do is just spend the right time to find a solution, make a plan and solve it! You must not over think it as thinking about a problem all the time is very stressful and is really bad for you (mentally and physically), our mind can end up confused, buzzing around, creating other or bigger problems than it should be.
Have you ever had that feeling? I did have it, but I managed to change my attitude because I just had enough of feeling worried, frustrated, stressed-out and down, and not happy at all. Since then, I have decided and continue to make the conscious choices to be a happy person, living a happier life; no matter what and whatever happen to me, I am determined to not let anything destroy my sense of happiness.
Welcome back lovely people to Phase 2- Happiness is an attitude.
Only One thing I ask of you, is if you would be so kind to Please let me know and share with us your experiences of how life begins to change for you!
Struggling to change your attitude in order to be happier? Then read on as this will inspire and guide you to thinking about a happier Life. Feel that you need extra clarification on how to do this? Then Email or Private message me for a free consultation.
Over the last two days we have looked at:
- What is happiness?
- Happiness is a Choice.
Today it is ‘Attitude’- You have got the choice to have a wrong attitude that takes you to having a not so easy and unpleasant life or you can make a conscious decision to have a good attitude throughout life. A good positive attitude creates happiness.
Take a few moments to think what a bad attitude can create… Once again the choice is yours.
This is me: I started to feel much more happier each day, when I consciously decided to change my attitudes and stop blaming others for my unhappiness. I had to take charge. Yes, often people did bring the deepest unhappiness and sadness out of me, but I wanted this to stop. So I took control back into my life. I changed the way I was looking at the problems, basically, I have changed my attitude toward them, deciding what I wanted instead.
Join me tomorrow for Phase 3- Happiness is a State of Mind.
Welcome back lovely people to Phase 3 – Happiness is a State of mind.
Only One thing I ask of you, is if you would be so kind to Please let me know and share with us your thoughts and experiences and how life begins to change for you!
As you know by now, I love to add quotes in to inspire:“Happiness, true happiness, is an inner quality. It is a state of mind. If your mind is at peace, you are happy. If your mind is at peace, but you have nothing else, you can be happy. If you have everything the world can give – pleasure, possessions, power – but lack peace of mind, you can never be happy.” Dada Vaswani
Do you believe or think that Happiness is a simple a mental state of the mind?
What have you done to shift your state of mind from negative thinking to positive thinking?
Mental state of well-being is created by positive and good emotions. Happiness doesn’t come to us, but it can only come from inside us. Here is my next post about Happiness comes from within and is a state of mind.
Once you have accepted Happiness is a Choice and Happiness is an Attitude of the Mind (having changed the attitude from negative to positive then you need to look at ‘how you can create your state of mind to happiness.’
What do you understand by a ‘state of mind?’ I understand it as a psychological temporary state, that is the emotional and intellectual content of our mind at that precise moment in time. In essence it is what is going on in our mind, a mix of emotions and thoughts which are created by how we feel inside which is a consequence of how we react to our external world. The way we react depends on various situations, with different people, locations, environments etc…
Studying NLP and qualifying as an NLP (neuro linguistic programmer) Practitioner, I have really come to understand the in depths of how the mind works and how I can alter my feelings and thoughts by just simply paying attention to all aspects of me- inner and outer. In fact, our state of mind is the sum total of everything about us at a given time. It can be distraught, joyful, excited or any other emotion; but basically, there is a positive resourceful or negative un-resourceful state of mind. Most of our state of mind happen without us consciously realising it. For instance, we see or watch, listen to something and we respond to it going into a state, it’s the way we respond to it, most of the times it could be the memories we have associated with certain things that create our state.
Remember: A state of mind can be created by external factors that have influence in our life, but most importantly a state of mind can be created by ourselves.
Good or enabling states like love, joy, happiness, confidence, beliefs etc but there are even paralysing or bad states like depression, fear, anxiety, sadness etc… Your behaviour is the result of the state you are in and understanding your state is the key to understanding change and achieving excellence. It’s important to recognise, know and feel what state you are in for when the events happen- you react according to the state of mind in which you find yourself.
The way you perceive the world is largely dependent on your inner state of mind. If you are in a bad and negative state- you see all dark and bad but if you are in a good state, like when you’re in love, or you are happy about a work; you tend to view all good and you’re not really bothered much about anything else. I can guarantee you, that you are very unlikely to let anything ruin your state of thought and feelings.
How do you now feel now, knowing that the state of mind can be shifted? And, that it is in your control, regardless of external influences and factors?
What you need to learn is to change your state, from a bad state to a good state, from an un-resourceful state to a resourceful state so you can be in control of our life and live happily.
This is how you do it and if you really want to it can be done in an instant:
- learn to change your state so you know how to change your state whenever you are in a state that you do not want.
- to keep it in mind, if you want to control your mood or mental state, so you are not at the mercy of events and our emotions.
- realise and acknowledge that you’ve ended up in a bad state
- make the conscious decision to change that state (you need to be aware of what is happening, you can hold still for a moment and take a deep breath).
- focus your attention on something else that is around you.
- think of something else that makes you laugh or even a fond memory that makes you smile and fills you with happiness.
- start using your physical body (adjust your posture/ position or start jumping fast, go for a walk, concentrate on your breathing). In fact, changing your physical state can help change your state of mind.
- change the location of where you are, even only moving into another room can be helpful.
- create and use affirmative which are like mnemonic devices for the mind. There are two types of affirmative cues: memory-based affirmative cues and activity-based affirmative cues.
- you have to be consistent in your actions.
Please don’t forget to post and share how you have got on and if you have any of your own tools and techniques which help you change your state of mind. I would love to hear about them.
“There is one thing in this good old world that is positively sure – happiness is for all who strive to be happy – and those who laugh are happy. Everybody is eligible – you – me – the other fellow. Happiness is fundamentally a state of mind – not a state of body.” Douglas Fairbanks
Thank you for reading- Join me tomorrow for Phase 4- Gratitude is the Key to Happiness.
Welcome back lovely people to Phase 4 – Gratitude is the key to Happiness.
Only One thing I ask of you, is if you would be so kind to Please let me know and share with us your thoughts and experiences and how life begins to change for you!
“Happiness cannot be travelled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.” Denis Waitley
Questions for thought- Make a note of these:
What are your thoughts on gratitude?
How do you think gratitude is the key to happiness?
Why do you think gratitude helps us to be happy and live a happy life?
First but foremost you need to start feeling grateful for what you have and stop taking things for granted, Gratitude can unlock your happiness.
During my time of unhappiness, I remember, I used to concentrate mostly on things that I wanted, and I was completely forgetting what I had. I took a lot for granted and believed that what I had wasn’t so important, I thought it was something I was entitled to have to, yes, basically, I was taking for granted a lot of things. Then when I decided to step back, reflect on my life, what I had and then wanted- things became clearer. I have never been one to take things for granted but in our lives today it is so easily forgotten. I also began talking and surrounding myself with happier people and it became evident that many people were suggesting that I add gratitude in my life; I decided to give it a go, I had nothing to lose but only to gain. And that is exactly what I did! Not long after, I began practicing Gratitude I could see the results in my life. I started feeling more content and happy- that the little things I worried and concerned myself with matter no more. I realized that, after all, my situation wasn’t as bad as I thought and that there were a lot of more people in a worse situation than mine. The key was to start to appreciate my life and I was really grateful for it. I now truly believe that it is not happiness that brings us gratitude- it is gratitude that brings happiness.
Looking back at the 3 phases of happiness, which you create with a positive emotion by positive attitude and state of mind, well GRATITUDE is also one of them and it is very POWERFUL! Like I said before, it is very easy to forget what we have mainly have because we want more, which could be good, and we tend to take everything for granted like for instance our health and we start realizing only when we don’t feel well and begin to suddenly hit rock bottom. The first sign is our health that begins to deteriorate. Remember, you have got a choice, a choice to be grateful or not to be grateful for what you have, it’s again your choice. As you saw in the happiness is a choice phase 1 you are in charge of your life and you can decide to live as you want. If you don’t make that conscious decision to be grateful, it is like you have made the decision not to be grateful. It is as simple as that!
For me, I practice gratitude in the morning, just after I wake up and do my 20 minutes ritual of meditation and yoga session which includes my affirmation for the day. I will then do it again before I go to bed. Don’t get me wrong, it took a while to be consistent, but with focus and determination on my vision it became easier each day. And now it is part of me. I don’t do anything special I just say “thank you to still be alive and well”, I thank myself for all I have in my life and I go mentally through a list of things I am grateful for. I also practice ‘GRATITUDE’ sometimes during the day, for instance if I have to go somewhere and I reach the destination on time, I say thank you. It is so simple because we are so used to complaining a lot when things don’t go the way we want, but when things go the way we want, do we actually spend the same amount of time in being grateful? The answer to that is Probably Not, so let’s start practicing Gratitude now!
It’s important you create that feeling of gratitude and not only to say “thank you”, you need to feel grateful, the feeling of gratitude must be genuine, only so you can feel good.
Tips to gratitude:
- My suggestion is, stop now reading and start thinkingdeeply of something you feel grateful for and start to create the feeling of gratitude. Once you have created it once, you can easily recall it every time you want. Give it ago. What have you got to lose?
- Create a “Gratitude list” where you have listedall the things that you are grateful for. (I use my Gratitude List every day, just for few minutes I read all the things I am grateful for and I keep it updated. When I go through my Grateful List, I consider a moment for myself, to empower my positive state of mind, to empower my happiness because happiness comes from within.
- When you are in pain, focus on Gratitudeis really helpful, it helps to shift your focus away from the pain and start feeling better.
- Writing down makes your thinking visible! and when you will start writing, you will be surprised to discover that there are plenty things to be grateful for in your life.
- Take a piece of paper and write “I am grateful for…” If you just can’t think of anything, just wait few minutes, give it time, not rush. I am sure something inside you will shift and the words will start to come out. With that:
- 1 – Try to be the more specific you can, if you think it helps, you can even make a drawing.
- 2 – Once you start writing the things you are grateful for, next to them write the reasons why you are grateful.
- 3 – Not every day will you feel the sense of gratitude but there is no need to worry, it’s quite normal. When I feel like that, I try to create that feeling of Gratitude with a simple procedure: I place my hands on my heart for few minutes, I then raise my head, lift my body up, raise my arms to the sky and I shout loud in my mind a few times: “Thank you!” If you want you can start dancing or singing for few minutes, while you are concentrating on your Gratitude feeling. Try it!
- Create a routine, a habit, choose a couple of moments during the day, could be morning and evening like I do, but any moment is fine.
- Consult your ‘Gratitude List’ during the moments you feel down and in pain. Gratitude can certainly lift your spirit.
- You might also like to read things to be grateful for in our life when going through a tough time. There is so much out there. Even listening to gratitude music.
It’s very common that when we start seeing results, we tend stop doing this practice. It happened to me like I mentioned earlier, and it happens to a lot of people. So Please, once you start to see results, don’t stop, keep doing it, remember happiness is a journey not a destination. You need to keep your flame of ‘HAPPINESS’ on all the time. It’s important you create the feeling of gratitude until your eyes overflow with tears, as the tears come, you will feel the most beautiful feeling around your heart and all through the inside of you.
Thank you for reading Gratitude is Happiness! Join me tomorrow for Phase 5- Happiness is the Present Moment.
Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” Melody Beattie
Welcome back lovely people to Phase – Happiness is the Present Moment.
Only One thing I ask of you, is if you would be so kind to Please share your thoughts and
True happiness is… to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future.” Lucius Annaeus Seneca
I started living the present and I started feeling happier.
My story is, when I was pursuing my happiness I was waiting for something to happen, so my focus was on the future most of the time and sometimes even on my past- regretting things that I had done or not done, and most of the times my mind was wondering around endlessly. It was painful and i could just not focus or feel great about myself. I was physically doing something but in my mind I was somewhere else… Basically, I was constantly busy on making plans. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to make plans, but I was forgetting was the present, to live in the present. That is what was missing and often is by many people. It was extremely stressful, I was demotivated, procrastinating to some extent, and my level of concentration was very low. I then came across a book about “Mindfulness”, written by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Zen Master spiritual guide and I realized the importance of living the present, if we want to live a happy life. Within that, as I began to focus deeper and read more I discovered the importance of meditation. I have always known about meditation but never truly understood its power until I took the time to really understand it and take action on it. Since then I happily meditate every day for 20mintues. It has become my ritual and with that I include my affirmations too.
The moment I started living the present I managed to control my mind, and I started feeling alive and finally happy. Don’t get me wrong, but I often have to make that conscious thought to remind. Myself to Stop, Breath, Think and Live in the Moment. As I have said before on my previous phases of happiness- ‘Happiness comes from within and we need to work on our happiness every day!’ I have learned that if you learn to control your mind, you can control your life. As I said before, living the present, definitely help you to control your mind.
Once again, from phase one- You Have a Choice, you can live the present and feel alive and happy and in control of your mind or you can let your mind control your life. The choice is yours! The past is past, and you cannot get that back- the future is not yet, so live in the present! You don’t realize that happiness is possible only in the present moment and we need to be happy in this right moment.
I know that it might sound repetitive, but it is that constant reminder that you need to make, so that it becomes almost a natural thing for living in the moment. Living in the present means to be aware of what you are doing in the present moment, start focusing even on every little thing you do, stop and look around and appreciate the very little simple things that you may take for granted, it means that the mind and body are doing the same thing, they are aligned and connected. In this way, you start to become aware of what is happening inside your mind and around you.
‘If you cannot live in the present moment, you could be missing out on so much- we cannot be in touch with life. You are Alive in the Present moment, the only moment you truly live.
Mindfulness is a great way to live in the present moment. A simple definition of mindfulness for me is to be aware of what we are doing all the time, our mind and body are aligned, they are both concentrated on the same things. It is the mental well-being. If we pay attention, most of our thoughts are directed mainly to the past or to the future, just preventing us from living fully in the present.
So the question you ask is: How can I live in the present moment?
- You can learn to live the present practicing mindfulness.
- Concentrate on your breathing- helps to live in present and feel alive.
- Mediation- Stop, close your eyes and focus on the sounds, smells, taste around you.
- If something is bothering you, move towards it, rather than away (The key is acceptance).
- Remove unneeded possessions- forces you to live in the present.
- Smile- each day has and is full of endless possibilities.
- Forgive the past hurts- by harbouring resentment towards other human beings you stay stagnant. Choose to forgive and move on.
- Stop worrying- you cannot fully appreciate today if you are worrying too much about yesterday and tomorrow.
- Redirect negative mental energy
- Conquer your addictions- these hold you hostage in your life. These do not allow you to live freely today.
Thank you for reading Happiness is in the Present Moment! Join me tomorrow for Phase 6- Triggers of Happiness
“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” Omar Khayyam
Welcome back lovely people to Phase 6 – Triggers of Happiness.
“It is the simple things in life that are most extraordinary.” Paulo Coelho
Only One thing I ask of you, is if you would be so kind to Please share your thoughts and
So here you are at Phase six of “How to Be Happy”, my 7 steps suggestions in finding Happiness.
So far you have learned and covered:
- Happiness is a Choice
- Happiness Comes from Within
- Happiness is an Attitude of Mind
- Happiness is a State of Mind
- Gratitude can unlock your Happiness
- Happiness is in the Present Moment.
Appreciating the small things can definitely help you to be happy. live in a modern capitalist society that makes us give importance to materialistic things to make us happy, what do we do? We keep buying and not really valuing or appreciating what we have not because we really need it but just to feel good. In this way, someone is getting a financially gain whilst we get just an illusionist and temporary pleasures and this chain will never end…We keep buying new stuff and more stuff and more stuff, but we are not really happy and probably we end up not even appreciating what we have. Does that sound like something you are caught up in? I sure know that I have done this on many occasions and sometimes still slip into the bad habit of doing so. If we can’t afford to buy certain things, we get unhappy but why? Because everyone else has got what we want except us and it might make us feel different even inferior.
What I am trying to say is that, if we can afford to buy new stuff all the time, it is fine but we shouldn’t expect any kind of Happiness from there, but just pleasure, which is fine but as I said previously Pleasure is temporary happiness.
- There are lots of simple and free things, that if appreciated can make us happy:
- A smile from a stranger
- A hug from someone you care about
- The sounds of the birds etc…
The reason why we don’t normally pay attention to these simple things is that we don’t notice them.
But why don’t you notice them? It is because your attention is focused on your thoughts which are focused on something that has happened in the past or something that has still to come. Basically, we are not living the present and therefore our attention is not focused on our surroundings. Remember, When I previously spoke about the importance of living in the present. Start appreciating the beauty of nature, it can even help us to gain awareness and connection to our surrounding world.
Having a POSITIVE MINDSET can help us to be happy
We have seen before that happiness is a state of mind, created by good and positive emotions so if we want to be a happy person we need to create a positive mind. A negative mind doesn’t certainly create happiness, that’s why to be happy we need to create a positive mindset. Having a positive mindset doesn’t mean that we don’t have any negative feelings or emotions, this certainly will never happen. It means not to dwell on negative feelings but try to be positive most of the time.
But how can you create a positive mindset? It all starts with your thoughts, you create your emotions and even if sometimes you don’t realize they create your life.
- The Power of Laughter
Like Yoko Ono say “ Smile in the mirror every morning and you’ll start to see a big differene in your life”
– Are you smiling enough? How often are you smiling?
– Are you laughing enough? When is the last time you had a good laugh?
If you think you are not smiling or laughing enough daily, I really suggest you start wearing your smile in the morning!
- Having Love in your life
Love is one of the most powerful force in the universe and certainly is a must ingredient in our life if we want to be happy. What I mean by LOVE is: to love ourselves and our body before we can love someone else. In fact, Happiness is feeling good about who you are, be able to accept yourselves how you physically are, your body should be treated as your temple since thanks to your body you are able to live your life.
Isn’t if funny that only when things start going wrong, having some healthy issue, do we realize how important our body is. There are fundamental and basic steps to follow if we really care about our body, but unfortunately, they can be easy put aside and not giving the right importance. The hectic non-stop demanding life just doesn’t give us that opportunity to realise, so this is where you have to, you have to make the choice!
Start following these simple suggestions as they can have a strong positive impact in your life.
- Eat well, we are what we eat.
- Sleep the right amount of time.
- Do some daily physical activity. 20 minutes of walking.
- Get rid off some bad habits that can abuse our body (smoking, drinking, bad addictions). If you need some help, don’t be afraid to ask for professional help.
Another important way to be happy is to dedicate some time during the day to ourselves, to do something that we really like, could be anything but must be our time.
Once we start loving yourselves it becomes much easier to love someone else.
Having a partner, can add love in your life, but having love in your life could be, any kind of love:
- Love our friends
- Love our family and children
- Love our job
- Love our hobby
- Love our pets.
If we give space for love in your life it can certainly make your life much happier and when Love is missing in your life, it’s more likely you are unhappy.
- Being Social
Even if I totally agree with the following quote, “If you make friends with yourself you’ll never be alone” I am absolutely convinced that we need to have friends and we need to spend time with people, but not just with some people, they must be the right people for us. What I mean is that the people we spend time with, must be people that make us feel good, appreciate us and respect us.
I’ve always loved these two quotes by Habeeb Akande:
“True friends are like Stars, you don’t always see them but they are always there.”
“Fake friends are like shadows: always near you at your brightest moments but nowhere rto be seen at your darkest hour.”
I have a friend who I hardly get a chance to talk to or even see but when I do it is like we have never been apart. We just pick where we left. And the precious thing is that we can still read and understand each other without words.
Surround yourself with positive people and you’ll be a positive person.
So even if we are happy with yourselves, it’s never really good to isolate yourselves from society. You need to find your “tribe”, in other words people suitable to you, you need to have good friends!
Spending time with people can helps us to learn and grow.
- Have a Purpose in Life
Having a purpose gives you an entirely new vision in life. When I decided that I wanted a purpose in my life it took me a while to understand what purpose I wanted, so I took my time in making my decision. Finally, I decided that my first main purpose is to “be happy in life” and later I decide to start helping people, that were struggling like I did, the things I went through to be happy as well. I believe that was the best decision I made in my life.
What are the Benefits of Having a Purpose in Life?
- Makes you feel more fulfilled
- It creates your daily life with enthusiasm and joy
- It gives you direction and focus
- It helps you understand what is unimportant for you in life and it frees you from things that don’t matter
- It helps you to gain your success.
We all want to achieve success in life but we all have a different meaning of success. There are people that want be rich, famous, important or have a nice job, a nice family. But if we stop and think the reasons why we all want to reach our success is to be happy. Yes, the main reason why we want to achieve our success is because it makes us happy.
Let me ask you: Do you have a purpose in life? If not, there is no need to worry, you can still find your purpose in life.
“The purpose of our lives is to be happy.” Dalai Lama
Doing something GOOD to others
I have always enjoyed and got true pleasure doing something good to help people. It is very rewarding and it definitely makes me feel very fulfilled and happy.
As you have seen in Phase 3 Happiness is a state of mind, and is created by positive and good emotions. All you need to do is to create positive and good emotions, and doing something good is definitely one of them. So don’t be afraid in doing something good and when you do, most of all, don’t expect anything back, because you are likely to be disappointed.
You already get your reward when you see the reactions from the people you have helped.
It is over the last 6months that I have really looked into spiritual path, and it is something that I am so empowered and enlightened by. I ask myself: Why had I not thought about Spirituality before and the path that it can bring… yoga and meditation has made appositive impact on my life and I continue to explore and find new things about me…
Spirituality can also provide people with an opportunity to engage in a meditative act and meditation has been shown to have a strong link with well-being because it calms the body, reduces stress and anxiety, and also supports positive thinking. Meditation now is part of my daily life and having seen all the benefits from meditation, I can’t see myself not meditating.
Thank you for reading Triggers of Happiness! Join me tomorrow for my final Phase 7- Understanding the reasons why we are unhappy.
“Some cause happiness where ever they go: others whenever they go” Oscar Wilde
Welcome back lovely people to the Final Phase 7 – Understanding the Reasons why we are Unhappy.
“The greatest prison people line in is FEAR of what other people think”
“It is the simple things in life that are most extraordinary.” Paulo Coelho
Only One thing I ask of you, is if you would be so kind to Please share your thoughts and how making some of these changes has impacted on you…
Over that last six days I have shared with you ‘What Happiness is”. We have looked at
Phase 1- Happiness is a Choice
Phase 2- Happiness is an Attitude
Phase 3- Happiness is a State of Mind
Phase 4- Gratitude is a Key to Happiness
Phase 5- Happiness is in the Present Moment
Phase 6- Triggers of Happiness
Now that we have gone through the six phases which will help you create a happier life, another really important and necessary phase is to know and to identify and understand the reasons why we are not happy and most of all, question if these reasons are real and worthy of our unhappiness.
My story of: What the reasons were for my unhappiness and why I couldn’t be happy most of the time? The main reason was very simple when I began to realise it- in my mind I used to look for a reason to be happy and I also used to associate Happiness with everything I wanted, like money, health, recognition etc. which is probably what most of the people do. I wasn’t actually seeing anything wrong in doing that. I thought it was the way to reach my happiness regardless of all the other things going on around me that was also making me unhappy. I was just focusing on the long-term vision or goal. Soon enough I realised that this was definitely not enough and NOT the right way to be happy. I was also imagining a happy life as an idyllic situation, where everything was perfect as I wanted.
Unfortunately, there was always something that wasn’t as I wanted and that was preventing me from being truly happy. Even if I was working hard to try to achieve what I wanted the moments of happiness were not really frequent as I would have liked. As you can imagine sometimes I felt really frustrated and down, I was living in a sufferance way, just waiting for one day to be happy. What was my true happiness, I kept asking me? What do I need to be happy? Why can’t I just be happy? When I took the time to step back and really take notice and reflect, never giving up- knowing that the first thing I need to change in my life is that I wanted to become a happy person, and nothing could have stopped me.
Later, I realized that my determination played a huge part in all of this, in fact, if there is someone who can prevent us being happy, it’s only ourselves. As I said before I used to give myself some goals, thinking about when I would achieve them by, how I would achieve them- I thought that this was enough for being happy, but I was wrong… it was just a temporary happiness, in fact, I was confusing joy and pleasure with happiness. Pleasure is normally temporary, happiness lasts. I was also wrong because in my mind I was waiting to become happy and when I had achieved what I wanted I was happy just for a while and then I was back to square one.
You can imagine, it was really frustrating.
Let us look at you! Your turn to understand the reasons for your unhappiness.
I would like you to just take a moment and think of the main reasons why you are unhappy? Maybe limit yourself for now to no more than 5 main reasons. Take a piece of paper and list all your reasons and next to each one write why they make you feel unhappy. Prioritise these reasons from the most to the least unhappiness.
Do you think there are other minor reasons for your unhappiness?
Here are a few examples to help you along:
Reasons why I am not Happy
- I don’t have enough money. Not having enough money, it makes me feel embarrassed and/or inferior to my friends
- I am too short. I would have liked to be a professional basket player instead people look at me in a weird way
- I hate my job. It’s boring and I feel wasted
Anyone of us can have various different reasons, we are all unique, the world probably would be boring if we were all the same.
Task two: Now the next step is to question the reasons for your unhappiness.
Are they really mine? Or just things imposed by others or by society?
Does this sound like you at times? It’s important to understand the reasons why we are not happy and question them because sometimes we don’t feel good enough or we feel to be below the standards created by our society, so in this case, they are not our reasons. We have in our mind how things should be, a sense of perfection which has been created over the years by absorbing it from people around us, from the media, from our society etc. So if we don’t reach these standards that we have in our mind, then we think we are not good enough and so we are not happy. That’s why is very important to learn to question our reasons and our beliefs.
“STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS” you cannot compare an apple to an orange. So why do it? This will only cause you lots of self-esteem issues. What do you think?
There is nothing I can do it about that, so is it worth spending an unhappy life? So, if you think there is nothing you can do about it, then you need to learn to accept things how they are and as before I said, “change you attitudes and mind through them”.
Ask yourself: Is there anything I can do to change it?
If you think there is something you can do about it, then question yourself:
Why haven’t I done anything about it so far?
Is it because I am scared to change or because I don’t know what to do?
The key is if you question yourself, you will be able to find the answer to everything.
Remember “Sometimes questions are more important than answers.”
We are now at the end of “What is Happiness and how to always be Happy in Life”
Let us recap briefly How To Be Happy- 7 Phases:
- Happiness is a choice, we need to make a decision to live a happy life and we need to change our attitudes accordingly.
- Happiness is also a mental state and since we can create our mental state we can create our happiness. You have been given some tools and strategies to work with to keep staying in a frame of a ‘Happy Mind’
- Gratitude and Living in the Presentwhich is the only moment you are alive, and you can be happy.
This might all seem like hard work, but it is not, it is all about how you create a habit, so you can have a pleasant journey and then that is where the magic begins…
“Happiness is a journey, not a destination, you need to be happy during your journey.”
“If you are at peace with yourself, you feel happy and in harmony with the surrounding world.”
I hope that I you have enjoyed my suggestions about being happy and have inspired you to take that step towards finding your true journey of happiness, to help you live life full of happiness.
Before I go I would like to share this short video:
“From the deepest of my inner heart I wish You a Life of Happiness and that you may make the greatest shift so that you can fully live it to how you want in the present moment and future!
Happy Living Beautiful People!
If you are feeling stuck in your life and need clarity to achieve and find your true happiness- arrange a free consultation call with me, let us chat and see how I can help you make the transformation you want. Message me through my website, LinkedIn, Facebook or email.